How Things Are Going

We went to the park this afternoon. Angus was a big of stinky, whiny pants and I was at the end of my rope, and Rod is a saint. So, we plopped the baby in the Radio Flyer and power walked (it was the only way to keep him from standing up in the wagon) to the park in our neighborhood.

We had a good time...
 

(I left out an important detail here didn't I. On Thursday we got the results of the original CT. Rod has a collection of cells on his lower thoracic spine. They could be related to an infection, or they could be malignent. An MRI is the next step. Allright, carry on.) Rod's MRI is scheduled for Thursday. The results of this MRI will ONLY show us whether or not there are more masses and if there are, where they are. After the MRI he will need a CTScan guided biopsy to test the cells they find to see if they are related to an infection or a malignancy.

Rod has been doing a lot of research. We all know how counterproductive that can be, especially at this early stage in the game... but... here is what he has found. The symptoms of a bone infection vs. bone cancer are virtually identical (pain, fever, chills, fatigue, malaise) the one difference seems to be night sweats (which is associated with the cancer, not the infection). If it is NOT an infection, there is a chance that the tumor will be benign... the treatment seems to be the same however, surgery, followed by radiation (chemo is ineffective). Tumors in the spine are treated as malignant because of their proximity to vital organs and the potentially debilitating effects of growth and recurrence. There are a million different types of spine tumor, all with different statistics... we will not even begin to guess which one it might be. Oh, and by the way, the treatment for infection seems to be removal as well.

So, he reported the other day that he feels like he is focusing less on his symptoms. I guess with his mind on the bigger picture, they seem unimportant. He is keeping himself pretty well doped up on the Vicodin, but it just lessens the pain, it doesn't knock him out or anything. He is making a concious choice to be active and be very involved with everything we do... this results in needing a lot of breaks (which is terrifying, by the way... nothing is scarier than your 33 year old husband needing a break after a lap around Wal Mart) but he really wants to be out and about and not stuck in bed.

Angus seems to be picking up on the underlying anxiety. This is my biggest fear... that he will learn to live anxious and he will end of just like me. I am keeping calm for him as best I can. I am also talking to him about it pretty openly, just in case he is really listening to me. He has been sleeping like SHIT. No more than 30 minutes in the crib alone at night without a whimper. Naps are okay, but it is a fight to get him down. I guess he needs me. Thank god I am a working mother, I get an escape a few days a week.

We're doing okay. Just waiting. So, whatever it is that you do: pray, meditate, think, send positive energy, vibe, incantate. Do it, please. Do it loud, and do it now...